How to Plan a Memorial Service: A Step-by-Step Guide for Families

In the immediate aftermath of a death, you don't need to have everything figured out. The most important thing is to take it one step at a time. Here is what typically needs to happen first.

Notify close family and friends.Start with those who will want to know immediately — children, siblings, close friends. You don't need to reach everyone at once. Let a trusted family member help make calls so you aren't carrying the burden alone.

Contact a funeral home.If your loved one didn't leave written instructions, you'll need to choose a funeral home. You have the right to ask for a full price list over the phone before committing. Contact 2–3 to compare, but don't feel pressured to decide in minutes — most funeral homes are understanding.

Decide on body disposition. The two primary options are burial and cremation. If your loved one left written wishes, those should guide your decision. If not, this is a family choice, and there is no wrong answer. The funeral home will help you understand the options.

Obtain certified copies of the death certificate. You will need more than you think — typically 10–15 copies for banks, insurance companies, government agencies, and other institutions. The funeral home will usually assist with this.

Choosing a funeral home is one of the most significant decisions you'll make. It's worth taking a little time — even an hour — to compare your options.

Under the FTC's Funeral Rule, funeral homes are required to give you an itemised price list. This means you can ask what each service costs and decline items you don't need. You are never obligated to purchase a “package.”

Questions worth asking include: What is your price for direct cremation or burial? Do you handle the paperwork for the death certificate? Can the service be held at a venue other than your funeral home? What are your embalming policies?

If cost is a concern, direct cremation — where the body is cremated without a formal service at the funeral home — is typically the most affordable option. A separate memorial service can still be held later, at any location, at any time that feels right.

The memorial service is a chance to honour your loved one's life in a way that reflects who they were. There is no single right way to do it.

Choose a format. Services can be religious or secular, formal or informal. A traditional funeral service typically takes place at a funeral home or place of worship and follows a structured programme. A celebration of life is often more relaxed — held at a meaningful location, focused on music, stories, and memories. A graveside service is intimate and private, held at the burial site itself.

Choose a venue. If you want a service outside the funeral home, consider places that mattered to your loved one: a garden, a community hall, a favourite park, or a family home. Confirm availability and any logistical requirements early.

Build the order of service.This is the running order of the service — each segment, who is involved, and how long it will take. Common segments include a welcome, readings, music, tributes, a eulogy, a moment of silence, and a closing. Grace Plan's service builder helps you build this step by step, with templates for common service types.

Music, flowers, and readings. Think about what your loved one enjoyed. Music in particular is deeply personal — whether a favourite song, a hymn, or something played live. For readings, you might choose scripture, poetry, or a passage from a book they loved.

Planning a service involves coordinating several vendors — and keeping track of costs, contacts, and commitments.

Funeral home. Your primary funeral provider handles body care, transportation, and often the space for the service itself.

Florist. Flowers are a traditional expression of sympathy and beauty. Many florists have experience with memorials and can suggest arrangements that work within your budget.

Caterer.If you're holding a reception or wake, you'll need food and drink. This can be as simple as sandwiches and tea, or as elaborate as a full catered meal — it's entirely your choice.

Music.Whether it's a live musician, a choir, or a carefully chosen playlist, music transforms the atmosphere of a service.

Printing. Most families print a service programme — a small booklet or card listing the order of service, a photo, and perhaps a poem or quote. Local printers and online services can turn these around in 24–48 hours.

Keep a record of every vendor: name, contact, service quoted, and price. Grace Plan's vendor tool does this for you, with a running cost total so you always know where things stand financially.

Once you have a date, time, and location, it's time to let people know.

A phone call or personal message is always appreciated — especially for close family and friends. For a wider circle, an email or message shared through social media is perfectly appropriate. You don't need formal printed invitations unless you want them.

Include the key details: date, time, location, dress code (if any), and any specific requests (e.g. “donations in lieu of flowers to the local hospice”). If there will be a reception after the service, mention that too.

If out-of-town guests will be travelling, give as much notice as possible. Consider including nearby accommodation suggestions. Grace Plan's guest list tool lets you track RSVPs and share updates with attendees as plans develop.

In the days and weeks that follow, there are a number of practical tasks that need attention. These are rarely urgent in the immediate aftermath, but it helps to know they're coming.

Notify relevant institutions. This includes Social Security, banks and financial institutions, pension providers, life insurance companies, and any organisations your loved one was a member of. Each will have its own process, but a certified death certificate will almost always be required.

Probate and the will. If your loved one had a will, it will need to go through probate — the legal process of validating the will and distributing the estate. An attorney can help you navigate this. If there was no will, the estate will be distributed according to the laws of your state or country.

Cancel subscriptions and accounts. Streaming services, gym memberships, credit cards, and phone contracts will all need to be cancelled or transferred. Check bank statements for recurring charges you might have missed.

Be patient with yourself.These tasks don't all need to happen at once. Give yourself grace.